I'm sure you could stand to "groom" your boyfriend a bit more. I know he's great, but maybe he's just a bit rough around the edges, and you want to steer him in the right direction 😉
The problem is most girls go about it in the absolute wrong way. This only causes guys to withdrawal, and become more distant and resentful, and in fact the behavior your set out to change usually gets worse!
Why is this?
Guys do not like being told what to do. Girls typically are much more receptive to negotiating, and listening to suggestions from their boyfriends. Guys on the other hand are not programmed to respond to direct confrontation very well. Think of it like this, back in the cave man days, if a man was confronted, it would usually mean that it was time to fight. Guys still have this evolutionary programming, so when you confront him, his adrenaline starts pumping, his eyesight focuses and his hearing dims a bit – like he's getting ready for a fight. It is not the best approach to getting a guy to change agreeably.
What's more, nagging your boyfriend is a very motherly thing to do. Guys do not like feeling like little boys. It makes them feel weak.
LOL just writing about this is freaking me out a bit.
A man loves the chance to feel proud. A guy loves the chance to be seen as more manly. You can use this to your advantage! When you want your boy to change his behavior, give him praise for doing the good behavior even if he did not do it! Tell him that you're proud of him, in advance of him doing anything. Praise him in front of his friends even if he did the opposite.
Guys will do just about anything do feel more manly. If you treat him like he's the man, especially in public, he'll be putty in your hands.
So call your boyfriend right now, and tell him how much love it when he does something that you want him to do, even if he's never done it. Remember guys love when they're seen as more manly, so tell him you're proud, and talk to him as if what he did turn you on a bit 🙂
As an example, If you want your boy to be less passive, you might say, "Baby I love how much you took the lead in class today. saw a lot of other girls staring at you … One girl even told me that she was a little jealous of me because she thought you were hot … "